No matter what ,
Monday, November 29, 2010 @ 5:05 AM
When " friendship " falls apart , it feels like i'm stading at the edge of a cliff , deciding if i sould go down or remain there . I have to admit that i'm not a good friend . But all i can say is that , " i tried my hardest and my best to be one . " I wish , things could go back to normal , where i only know happiness .
Dear friend , you've change , and i know that for sure .
You can deny but this heart can differenciate the old you and now .
I miss the old you ,
patience , trust , care , jokes , honest , respect , laughs and the feeling of love in friendship .
But when you change , i'll have to say that i don't know you .
Everytime you talk , you would always want to " win " .
It's like you didn't even want to hear my explaination , where's the trust ?
Where's the old you , who has never shouted at me before , where's the respect ?
I'm not trying to judge you or whatsoever , but , that anger you're keeping underneath you , don't let it out to the wrong ones . This is just a piece advise for you , my dear friend , if you're gonna act this way till the end , no one is gonna stick with you .
I'm saying all these is not because i'm blaming you .
You said , try putting myself in your shoes ,
how about try putting yourself in my shoes , i bet not even for a day , you would want to walk in these shoes .
You always do whatever you think is right , but you didn't think over it twice , if it's gonna hurt people's feelings , if it's gonna bring a scar to someone's life ? have you ever think about that ?
Friend , not all humans are the same , remember you told me " not all guys are the same ? " , i bet you don't , cause even if you were to read all these , you might just think it's a bullshit .
If you're not gonna kill those supressed anger in you , i'm sorry , but i'll have to say , you'll be lonely .
For sure you're gonna say " im just a small kid , idk what life is gonna be like " . Yes dear friend , i may be 15 , but that doesn't mean you're older than me , you don't need to take my advise .
Remember those times when i used to cook for you ? Remember we used to meet each other everyday ? Remember we used to share our cigg ? Remember when we used to talk alot with each other ? I don't think you remember , cause you may be thinking that all these i'm writing is just a trash .
I remember the times you used to make me happy when i feel so down . I remember you saw me fall . I remember you gave me a rose . I remember when you teach me maths . I remember when we used to sit down and talk alot . I remember when we were drunk . I remember you asked me if i'm fine everytime when i'm quiet . I remember when we shared our stories to each other - " you listen , i talk , you talk , i listen " . I still remember the times you cared , the times you shared .
I still remember the old you .
"She's just stating down a piece of shit , she's just emotional , i don't agree to whatever she've said . " Maybe , that's what you gonna say .
- Sometimes , i feel like , there's no point stating all these when you're not gonna understand me . Furthuremore , you're gonna think that whatever i state down here is just a piece of crap .
I can only hope , that one day , you can change to be a better person , and a friend that once i've known . -
Labels: you're still my friend .
I don't want to be ,
Thursday, November 25, 2010 @ 8:09 AM
I did try opening it , but it refused to . I've tried high and low , but it
was unsucessful . I did my best , i gave my all but it seems like no one could
open up this heart . This sturbbon-hard stone heart in me . It's already proven
that no guy could open it up fully . Maybe , time will tell how long i can stay
this way , how long i can get through these sleepless night . I'm proud of the
loner i've become but , every women needs sympathy , care , someone to share
their feelings and sorrows with , and especially , someone to love ; but i didn't get all these , for quiet a long time . It's has been a long time since i last experienced the meaning of true love - now vanished .
With every air i breathe ; with every minute i've spent , i feel like my life
is empty .
~ 20 months single ~
Labels: a loner anymore .
I don't wish ,
Wednesday, November 24, 2010 @ 9:02 AM
I just need someone to tell me that i'm never alone . (':
Labels: to ...
Finally ,
Thursday, November 18, 2010 @ 7:03 PM
The shit finally ends ~ !
*huge sigh of relieve*
Labels: O V E R .
Love ,
Monday, November 15, 2010 @ 4:50 AM
Don't lead me to the journey of my tears . I don't wanna fall again , cause by then , i wouldn't want to get up once more .
Labels: is meaningless .
I don't know how to act ,
Wednesday, November 10, 2010 @ 1:13 AM
You said i didn't make you happy . All i can say for now is , i did my best , i did try . But if you still think that way , then find someone else . I'm fine with it and i really mean it . You did make me happy , even with a little of hurting , you did make me smile . One thing that's for sure is , love is hard , but loving you is harder with this unheal pain in this heart . It's not easy for me . I can choose to be cold and heartless and just let you go , but i didn't . Whye ? I'm showing you that i'm trying . But still , you didn't try to understand me . I feel like you see me but you didn't notice my presence . I feel like you hear me but you didn't listen to what i have to say . And maybe , you say one thing , and mean another . In case if you don't know whye i've been talkative these days is cause i'm acting tough and pretended to be strong , so you couldn't see the pain in me . I no longer see the reason whye i need to love neither do i want to understand what love is .
Labels: or what to say .