Tears are words the heart can't explain .

For life ;

2011-05-18T09:07:00.000-07:00

This place , im abandoning it . It is no longer a blog where i used to state down all those suppresed anger , thoughts , and mixed feelings . All those shits that happened to me , is just part and parcels of life . These is just a mistake learned for me . This is just a piece of trash .

I LOVE LIFE :D

"All those BULLSHITS, are OVER, for life is meant to travel FORWARD, im abandoning it, like how people did to my heart. :D"

Take back all those shits ,

2011-03-01T04:26:00.000-08:00

Won't be using this blog anymore.

Find me here : iamtashajade.tumblr.com

2011-02-28T06:31:00.000-08:00

Idk what i will be doing after 4 days from now .

My very close and caring friend won't be here with me anymore .

And my N levels is in 5months time and no one will be there to give me support and confidence . I'll have to be independent , once again . Pfft .

FUCK MY

2011-02-20T22:47:00.000-08:00

I'll make you suffer then . I will not text you as long as i can , so that you'll hate me ,

and then , you won't find it difficult to move on . I'll show you that actually im a self-centered person , i'll show you , how usless i am .

And i'll show you , how much you deserve someone else and that im not worth your tears .

(':

FUCK MY ,

2011-02-20T05:55:00.000-08:00

I wont be so mean to text you and say that i miss you . Cause if i were to , i know you'll have difficulties moving on . So here is the only way i can express myself . ('=

I'll have to get use to no more late night text and early morning text AGAIN. pfft .

I think im gonna abandon this blog as it is becoming dull , and move to tumblr . Im considering about it .
Will update soon if i've made my decision.

Sometimes i feel like im talking alone , cause my tagbox is so DEAD . pfft >__< .

I'll be ,

2011-02-18T23:28:00.000-08:00

I've promise to myself that i will not fall in love until i can clear all these chaos and haywire in my mind , I will too , only if i can find peace in myself .

Maafkan aku ,

2011-02-18T20:38:00.000-08:00

Dear A.W ,

Thank you for loving me and showering me with your care and concern , even if its only for a short period of time .

You know how much all that mean to me ? I really2 appreciate it .

I am terribly sorry for hurting you .

I am so sorry if i made you cry over me . For what i know , you're a wonderful guy and that you deserve someone betta .

You know how much i loved you ? And i'll always will , even as a friend .

Thank you for spending your special time with me .

I hope you can go on with life , and be happy even without me .

Thank you for teaching me some new stuff .

('=

If i say Saranghaeyo ,

2011-02-18T20:23:00.000-08:00

Last evening , gave bby his biggest shock , i came down to his place when he was sleeping .

I want to ,

2011-02-16T05:10:00.000-08:00

School is getting more and more on my nerves . I hate using this words , but , i have too , im nervous , serious shit . I feel like my time is precious each and every single day , and i don't want to waste it . I was thinking about staying over my aunt's place , which is at clementi , till N levels are over . But i didnt speak about this to anyone else yet . I dont know if im doing the right decision . I want to improve myself . I want to concentrate on my studies , I want to pass my N levels , and i want to quit smoking , which i think is possible if i stay away from all the smokers for a few months , so it wont be so tempting . Insyaallah .
But , the disadvantage of staying over is , i will have to wake up as early as 5 or 4+ am to go to sch , and what more , how abt my tutions ? my CCA ? what time will i reach "home" if my CCA ends at 6pm ?
And most of all , i wont be having any time to spend with bby , and my loved ones . No more slacking , cause i wont be having any friends there .
I should really consider about this again .
pfft , i've been think about this over and over , and i really want to make a difference in my life . That is all i'm aiming for now .

I am not feeling ,

2011-02-11T08:40:00.000-08:00

Someday they'll find that my life written in these pages , is like a history book .

Deep inside , everything lies a realization of myself .

Perhaps , i have learned , how to take a step forward , but i did not learned how to take a step backward .

I wanna show ,

2011-02-11T08:05:00.000-08:00

I wanna know what's the meaning of true love , seriously .

I am sick and tired living a life like this , where everyone thinks that i have it all , but it's so empty living behind this castle walls . I think there's something wrong with me . Everytime i tried oppening my heart using my hand , my leg would closed it back . How pathetic can that be ? I don't know what's with me nor what am i doing . I feel so NUMB . I don't know what i feel or how i feel . I am someone who is completely unexplainable . Some things are hard to accept , but still it's there , no matter how i try to forget or close my eyes on it . It all depends on if i stand tall and strong or i give in and fall .

I'll stop here , cause , there is a cute boy waiting for me and , i'm missing my bbyg , ZieeBeybehh Lee . =D

I didn't even know i have ,

2011-02-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it qets too much to bare , sometimes i just can't take it . So i look inside and try to find , the strenqth i have to fake it . My expectation was too high , i guess , that's why i fell so hard and sunk so low .

Muhammad Zulfadly bin Zainal ;

Upon knowing you're released today , we , head down to your place to visit you . I have to say this , there were too many kinds of feelings that run through us , but we managed to hide it well . When i saw you from far , at one glance , i can recognise it's you . We was expecting you to be overjoyed , when meeting us but , you just seemed not pleased enough by our presence . And the most unexpected thing is that , you asked us to walk off , and that shows how much you don't need us . I don't understand you , when you wrote letter , i can sense that you're really looking forward to meet us but , when the time is here , it's like you hated us so much . We didn't know what went wrong but one thing is for sure , i can see you're a change man , and i'm proud of it .

Both parties have made mistakes but , we have our explanations to it , how about yours ? We may not know till when , cause we didn't have the chance to speak to you , you're trying to avoid us . But all i can say for now is , we will try to understand you , but one day , if we are gonna be totally saperated , then it's your turn to understand us .

And you may look at our facebook pictures and say " they really did enjoy life without me " , well , then , i'll have to say , even if we did , we still waited for your release and that we still think about you . Unbelievable ? Then you can go and take a look at my post on the May 20th 2010 , thursday . Sometimes i wonder , whye do i like to waste my fuckin time writing here for people who don't really need me in their life .

~Afterall , this is what called "LIFE" .

Study , study, study andddd ,

2011-01-26T23:27:00.000-08:00

Backkkkkk ~

23 months SINGLEEEEE ~ weeeee ! BORING ! pfft -___-
Most of my bbygals are having their own partners , except for me . pfft . how sad can that be . hahha !
Dear Future Husband, i can't wait to meet you =D

I have been concentrating on my studies , yes STUDIES , STUDIES, STUDIES . Unexpected ? Ridiculous ? Unbelievable ? Impossible ?
Well , afterall like what my dad said " go through difficult times first , then the easy ones will come after " .
I have been tightly concentrating on my weakest subjects which are my maths, combine science and humanities .
I want to pass my 'N' with "FLYING COLOURS" , yes , and i will make it possible , by not only saying it , but doing it .

How about my life ? well , all i can say is , life's unpredictable .
I surrender my everything to the upper ones .

There's this ex primary school mate of mine , i find him interesting cause , he remembers MOST of the things about me .
The times that we shared , the times that we had .
He remembered all but sadly , i have a short-term memory .___. so i can only remember part of it . And the most interesting part is when he remembered my PSLE INDEX NO . How interesting is that ? Even i myself can't remember that .
Well , anyway , he's went for an arm operation and i'm overjoyed cause he's still ALIVE . haha !
I know he's a strong man . He's the one who used to be there for me , and the one that always gives me confidence. Take a good rest my friend . =D

Alright , i'm off to bed now , having tution later on .
Will update when i have the time to ,

=D

I'll have to ,

2011-01-17T04:13:00.000-08:00

And my biggest secret ?

I AM NOT OKEY .

STOPPPPPP ,

2011-01-17T04:11:00.000-08:00

I can't wait for the day i can yell STOP , and all the pain goes away .

I want to be your ,

2011-01-17T03:37:00.000-08:00

This goes out to my second ex love ;

Time passes by , and we went on our saperate ways , no matter how hard i tried to make you drain down the river , it was always to no avail . It can be considered the hardest part of my life . Wonder why ? Cause the love between you and me still exist , but , i can only feel it from my side , not yours , that's one thing for sure . I'm lucky cause i'm your first true love , but will i be your last ? Only heaven knows . I miss your voice and your smile , the days we used to talk all night , it all seems like yesterday . You are my past , yet , i want you to be my future . It seems like you stoped caring , why ? Without your presence in my life , i noticed something , i'm being used by most people i cared about , i'm done putting up with it , none of them worth my tears , and that's the most important part . I want you to be a part of me , i want to be your last , cause when you set me free , life for me is not as easy as it seems . I face lots of things , ups and downs , all the rollercoaster rides , i want to face it with you and i want you to be the one that i'm crying for cause you're worth it . I miss us and WISH I NEVER END IT . When i don't talk to you it doesn't mean that i'm mad or i don't want to. I'm just waiting for you to talk to me first and show a little effort.

One

2011-01-17T03:29:00.000-08:00

I thought that if I prepare myself for the worst , then I would protect myself from that unforgiving pain . Turns out , I don't know how to protect myself , the pain endured is so much worse , it's unimaginable.

I'm

2011-01-14T20:03:00.000-08:00

How amazing can this be ? My blog is all dusty . pfft ._."

To concot the most ridiculous story to explain my absence here is due to piles of school works and activities .

I was encumbered with lots of things for preparation of my 'N' levels which is in a few months time . I don't have any more time to waste like what i did in the past 3 years in my secondary school life .

I want to have a bright future ahead and that i wanna prove to everyone i can do it . ( InsyaAllah, Amin)

To cultivate in my studies , i have been spending most of my time revising and reading books . Unbelieveable ? Face it !

Now im off , I got to finish up my F&N coursework which is currently driving me crazy .

I'm off for now , will update real soon when i have the time to .

Mengapa engkau tak membalas ,

2011-01-02T05:34:00.000-08:00

Ada apa dengan cinta ?

What's with ,

2010-12-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

Im soo sorry again about yesterday bbyg . I love you , i swear .

Home>Paya lebar>Cinieleisure>FarEast>Shaw>Cinieleisure>Home .

Everthing was a last minute plan yesterday . After doing my housework , get ready and off to paya lebar , then head down to town .

Watched "Let me in" at cinie and back to home sweet home .

Didn't meet mummy yesterday , cause she's sick . Get well soon mummy .

Now , im off to bed again .

Take away this pain ,

2010-12-19T21:11:00.000-08:00

When i looked at this , it reminds me of something i shouldn't remember at all .

Work , work ,

2010-12-19T21:03:00.000-08:00

Off to work at simei yesterday .

Not that really tiring actually .

Met alot of new people , didn't talk really much with them actually ,

as per normal , when it comes to real life , it's like there's a gold in my mouth .

Today , maybe meeting mummy ,

not going anywhere , just staying at home , and do my housework .

Please don't

2010-12-18T07:19:00.000-08:00

Home> Jurong Swimming Complex> Home .
Proceed to Jurong swimming complex about 5pm . Eventough i didn't swim , had a great time with my bbyg .
Sorry for making you frus bbyg . Didn't expect the plan is gonna be this corrupted .
;D

"Love me for who i am ,

not for what i've got .''~ T.J

No men ,

2010-12-17T07:21:00.000-08:00

I look so fat and pale up there , urgh . Nevermind , who cares ? ;D

Today ; home>parkway>home

I have been spending great times with my happy pills .

Last night , went to yishun park with dad , and had a great talk with him .

You know how much i love you dad ? ('=

For the first time in my life , i told you about my personal problems , and the greatest thing is that , you understand and give me your support and encouraged me to go on with life and be happy always . And thanks for your advice dad , i love you more than anything . Sorry if i've been acting/ using harsh words towards you . I'll never let you down again .

And , for the first time in my life , i've completed my holiday homework . Seee , unbelievable right ? .__.

Maybe , tomorrow going Jurong Swimming , im still reconsidering about tomorrow's outing >__<"

Pathetic ,

2010-12-12T03:59:00.000-08:00

Home > Work > Home .
.________________.

May you live ,

2010-12-04T03:25:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday my dear friend (':

I am seriously ,

2010-12-01T17:12:00.000-08:00

I don't know what's with me .

I've not been myself lately .

Maybe i really have lost my memory .

I really ,

2010-12-01T09:21:00.000-08:00

I miss the feeling of " true love " .

.____.

No matter what ,

2010-11-29T05:05:00.000-08:00

When " friendship " falls apart , it feels like i'm stading at the edge of a cliff , deciding if i sould go down or remain there . I have to admit that i'm not a good friend . But all i can say is that , " i tried my hardest and my best to be one . "

I wish , things could go back to normal , where i only know happiness .

Dear friend , you've change , and i know that for sure .

You can deny but this heart can differenciate the old you and now .

I miss the old you ,

patience , trust , care , jokes , honest , respect , laughs and the feeling of love in friendship .

But when you change , i'll have to say that i don't know you .

Everytime you talk , you would always want to " win " .

It's like you didn't even want to hear my explaination , where's the trust ?

Where's the old you , who has never shouted at me before , where's the respect ?

I'm not trying to judge you or whatsoever , but , that anger you're keeping underneath you , don't let it out to the wrong ones . This is just a piece advise for you , my dear friend , if you're gonna act this way till the end , no one is gonna stick with you .

I'm saying all these is not because i'm blaming you .

You said , try putting myself in your shoes ,

how about try putting yourself in my shoes , i bet not even for a day , you would want to walk in these shoes .

You always do whatever you think is right , but you didn't think over it twice , if it's gonna hurt people's feelings , if it's gonna bring a scar to someone's life ? have you ever think about that ?

Friend , not all humans are the same , remember you told me " not all guys are the same ? " , i bet you don't , cause even if you were to read all these , you might just think it's a bullshit .

If you're not gonna kill those supressed anger in you , i'm sorry , but i'll have to say , you'll be lonely .

For sure you're gonna say " im just a small kid , idk what life is gonna be like " . Yes dear friend , i may be 15 , but that doesn't mean you're older than me , you don't need to take my advise .

Remember those times when i used to cook for you ? Remember we used to meet each other everyday ? Remember we used to share our cigg ? Remember when we used to talk alot with each other ? I don't think you remember , cause you may be thinking that all these i'm writing is just a trash .

I remember the times you used to make me happy when i feel so down . I remember you saw me fall . I remember you gave me a rose . I remember when you teach me maths . I remember when we used to sit down and talk alot . I remember when we were drunk . I remember you asked me if i'm fine everytime when i'm quiet . I remember when we shared our stories to each other - " you listen , i talk , you talk , i listen " . I still remember the times you cared , the times you shared .

I still remember the old you .

"She's just stating down a piece of shit , she's just emotional , i don't agree to whatever she've said . " Maybe , that's what you gonna say .

- Sometimes , i feel like , there's no point stating all these when you're not gonna understand me . Furthuremore , you're gonna think that whatever i state down here is just a piece of crap .

I can only hope , that one day , you can change to be a better person , and a friend that once i've known . -

I don't want to be ,

2010-11-25T08:09:00.000-08:00

I did try opening it , but it refused to . I've tried high and low , but it
was unsucessful . I did my best , i gave my all but it seems like no one could
open up this heart . This sturbbon-hard stone heart in me . It's already proven
that no guy could open it up fully . Maybe , time will tell how long i can stay
this way , how long i can get through these sleepless night . I'm proud of the
loner i've become but , every women needs sympathy , care , someone to share
their feelings and sorrows with , and especially , someone to love ; but i didn't get all these , for quiet a long time . It's has been a long time since i last experienced the meaning of true love - now vanished .

With every air i breathe ; with every minute i've spent , i feel like my life
is empty .
~ 20 months single ~

I don't wish ,

2010-11-24T09:02:00.000-08:00

I just need someone to tell me that i'm never alone .

(':

Finally ,

2010-11-18T19:03:00.000-08:00

The shit finally ends ~ !

*huge sigh of relieve*

Love ,

2010-11-15T04:50:00.000-08:00

Don't lead me to the journey of my tears .

I don't wanna fall again , cause by then , i wouldn't want to get up once more .

I don't know how to act ,

2010-11-10T01:13:00.000-08:00

You said i didn't make you happy . All i can say for now is , i did my best , i did try . But if you still think that way , then find someone else . I'm fine with it and i really mean it . You did make me happy , even with a little of hurting , you did make me smile . One thing that's for sure is , love is hard , but loving you is harder with this unheal pain in this heart . It's not easy for me . I can choose to be cold and heartless and just let you go , but i didn't . Whye ? I'm showing you that i'm trying . But still , you didn't try to understand me . I feel like you see me but you didn't notice my presence . I feel like you hear me but you didn't listen to what i have to say . And maybe , you say one thing , and mean another . In case if you don't know whye i've been talkative these days is cause i'm acting tough and pretended to be strong , so you couldn't see the pain in me . I no longer see the reason whye i need to love neither do i want to understand what love is .

I don't want to make the ,

2010-10-29T04:48:00.000-07:00

Now , i have to worry about one shit , just one .

But this one , indicates where i stand in the future .

This one and only chance , i cannot miss it , it would be a waste if i do .

So for now , i really need to buck up and be prepared for it .

This one shit determined the place where im going in the upcoming years .

Now , i'm ignoring everything and everyone , as far as i could , till this one finale shit ends ~

I wanna be your ,

2010-10-26T03:15:00.000-07:00

At times like this , i wish i could stay by your side . Watchinq over you , taking good care of you , when you're sick . I really wish i could , but it's impossible . Guiding you through with every steps you take , i don't want you to take the wrong turns . Feeding you with the right medicine , then i would be relieved that you're on the right track . I want to be the best you've ever had , better than the rest , your sweetest girl . I really wish i could . Even when my mind still can't understand my heart , i hope you know , how much i care about you .

Get well soon ,

2010-10-21T07:38:00.000-07:00

Im not asking you to be perfect , neither do i say im perfect . But one thing is for sure , you gotta change your negative thoughts about me , please , you have to , no matter what . Cause when you said all that , it's like you're wishing for it to happen . I know you don't have the intention nor any wish when you said all that . Just do me this one favour , kick that bad habit of yours away . There's so much things you don't know . And you don't know how i feel . I don't wanna hurt you and i bet you don't have the intention to hurt me either . This heart of mine , you'll have to know , it's not fully open yet . The door keeps on swingging , one minute it's open and the other minute , it's closed , even without me noticing it . This heart , it takes time to heal . And this heart, mixed feelings , supressed anger , no one will understand , none . For that , i really hope you could take really good care of all these . Once i gave you my love , once my heart is fully open , don't ever forsake this love . Cause this feelings of love in me , is not easy to be impressed nor found . And you've got to know that this love is one of kind . ('=

You'll always be my blood ,

2010-10-20T22:31:00.000-07:00

You , the one who gave birth to me . From the moment I was born & beyond the time that I pass on . Please believe me when I say that my love for you will always be strong no matter how far we are apart .You taught me how to crawl , you taught me how to speak , you taught me how to walk , you brought me up so perfectly even when you went through so much pain when giving me birth . I know I don't say this often enough . But I thank you so very much , for being the greatest mum of all & never ever letting me fall . I hope that one day I can return the love and kindness you have given to me . And i hope , the upper one could forgive you for all the mistakes and sins that you've done mum . And i really hope to see a better you as years passed down the road . I love you mum , Happy Birthday In Advance (';

Ans me ,

2010-10-13T20:20:00.000-07:00

Issit you or me who chanqed ? Or maybe , i haven't know you betta yet ? Can i just ask this ; what's with you and your sudden chanqe of attitude ? How do you expect me to understand you if you're not tellinq me my mistakes/ any wronq doinqs towards you . At times like this , i wish i was never existed cause i brinq anqer and saddens ppl's life . Issit true ?.

(¯`¨•.¸//(*_*)¸.•¨´¯)

Choosinq a riqht quy ,

2010-10-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

I've once tried savinq my relationship which was few months aqo , but it was unsuccessful .

Im sayinq this now not because i'm sad over it , i'm just statinq it down as a memory for myself .
(=

These tears ,

2010-10-02T21:31:00.000-07:00

"Imaginning new beqinninqs , attempting new feelinqs ."

This is for you ,

2010-10-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

Please don't play around with my feelinqs , cause by then , i would be too sturbbon to say i fell in love aqain .

Happy ppl ,

2010-09-27T02:13:00.001-07:00

My birthday celebration was a blast .

Enjoyed myself with my happy pills .

Thank you so much quys for everythinq (:

I'm proud of the loner ,

2010-09-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

And proudly to say , i'm 18mnths sqle (:

Papa's dauqhter ,

2010-09-25T17:22:00.000-07:00

Finally 15 .

Thanks a lot everyone for the birthday wish .

May qod bless you all too .

('=

Hold your chin up ,

2010-09-22T00:22:00.000-07:00

I now realise that life is an easy thinq. It's like a rollercoaster ride, there are up and down, and it depends on the individual weather or not to accept the test that are qiven from the above.

Shit happens and you either move on, or you let it devour your life.
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.

Selamat Hari Raya ,

2010-09-09T01:54:00.000-07:00

Raye is tomorrow , i would like to wish all muslims Selamat Hari Raya ;

Maaf Zahir dan Batin .

Ampunkan dan maafkan seqale dose atau terkasar percakapan Tasha .

('=

Stop stalkinq ,

2010-09-08T07:26:00.000-07:00

I don't live to please you bitch !

I can live by ,

2010-09-08T07:21:00.000-07:00

If there's no such thinq as "MR.RIGHT" in this world ,

i can live on my own .

I don't need man , I don't need love ,

but now it's impossible .

I'm confused ,

2010-09-05T02:22:00.000-07:00

You're not a mistake , you're just an error .
I wanna believe your riqht for me but i'm not so sure anymore . There's just this terrible pain in my heart and i can't take it anymore .

If you're the one for me , you won't wanna see me anqry nor makinq me anqry , neither testinq my patience !

Somethinq ,

2010-09-05T02:14:00.000-07:00

I dont wanna hurt anyone , neither do i have the intention to hurt someone .

But all i can say is , we can only be friends .

I don't qet ,

2010-09-05T01:57:00.000-07:00

We've had our midnight-call last night and nothing changes for me, I can only love you as my friend.

I love ,

2010-08-31T08:26:00.000-07:00

I feel very very happy cause someone briqhtens up my day . =D

For the first time ,

2010-08-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

I can feel happiness flowinq riqht throuqh me . =D

But i'm ,

2010-08-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

No more sadness , no more tears , no more doubts , no more fears , it's a brand new me .

And i've even forqet how a broken heart feels like , cause the pain is qone .

Happy people ,

2010-08-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

" People like you are the reason whyee i was born with middle fingers . I hate two faced people , it's so hard to decide which face to slap first ."

No more ,

2010-08-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the upper ones for answerinq my prayers/qrantinq my wishes .

Thanks for showinq me all that cause now , i can finally let qo of everythinq that was underneath me .

My heart and my mind finally understands that yesterday remains as yesterday and today is another day .

No more pain , no more burden and no more keepinq anythinq to myself , Im finally free .

(;

I love you ,

2010-08-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

This post is specially for , Izahbaby&NyetStaro ,

Dear close friends , I wanna thanked you quys for everythinq you've done . I'm really touched and it moves my heart for havinq qreat friends like you quys , i don't know how to thanked you quys , but i just wanna tell you quys that each and everyday , you quys made my day and i'm very thankful for havinq qreat friends like you quys . Thanks for takinq care of me , my feelinqs and most of all , thanks for understandinq me . You quys are my listeninq ear . I'm all riqht quys , trust me alriqht . (= Whatever i've seen or has happen to me , no matter how hard i fall i'll still stand , and all these is because of you quys . You quys made me understand and i've learnt to let qo of the past . Love you quys soo much , and i'm sorry if i've hurt any of you . I bet you quys think im emotional for writinq all these , but trust me , im fine , im alriqht and im smilinq , not a fake smile on my face , but a true one . And i didn't even shed a tear for what has happen . Im not the old Tasha you've known , but imma chanqed person , trust me . ((=

Love you quys ,

Yours sincerely ,

TASHA

I'm turninq ,

2010-08-12T07:42:00.001-07:00

" I used to be the kind of qirl who kept it covered , i never let nobody see me for myself , i used to live inside a world undiscovered , lost inside the secrets that i never meant to tell . "

I live my life ,

2010-08-12T07:07:00.000-07:00

I wish to have a happy life !

But in other hands , i appreciate for havinq qreat friends like izahbby & nyet staro and many more in my life .

('=

Liqhten my burden ,

2010-08-11T06:25:00.000-07:00

Dear qod , i have a problem .

The problem is , me .

Ease the pain and stress that im facinq .

Liqhten my burden , brinq me happiness .

)',=

I need to start ,

2010-08-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

I need someone . . . .

Someone who could brinq me happiness ,

someone who could brinq joy to my life ,

someone who really cares and love me for who i am ,

someone who could really show me the true meaninq of love ,

someone who could make me lauqh throuqh my sad times ,

someone who could appreciate my love ,

someone whom i can trust ,

someone who would treasure me in my presence and not abandoninq me ,

someone , who is not a fiqhter , but a lover and will fiqht for what they love .

Someone , who could really understand my life , understand my situation , understand me . And most of all , someone who could quide me throuqh the liqht and tell me im safe in their arms & tell me they need me in their life .

)'=

And one day ,

2010-08-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

One day you will wake up , with nothinq but "you're sorry" .

Treasure your friends ,

2010-08-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

Try and look back at all your mistakes ,

and answer yourself ,

who has forqotten who ?

Its ,

2010-07-31T07:15:00.000-07:00

Go and qet your honor .

I wanna be ,

2010-07-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

"The heart feels what the eyes cannot see , and knows what the mind cannot understand . "

I'm done ,

2010-07-23T01:43:00.000-07:00

I used to confess my love for you every sinqle day . Protest it to the world to prove it's for real . I told you i mean it and you said you mean it too . But whyee didn't you fiqht for me when i was leavinq you ?

Some thinqs in life ,

2010-07-23T01:16:00.000-07:00

It's touqh . . . but i'm tryinq to qet used to it , hope you're doinq fine too .

Someday , everythinq will all make perfect sense . So for now , i'll lauqh at confusion , smile throuqh the tears , and keep remindinq myself that everythinq happens for a reason .

They say it's easier to walkaway , then to fiqht for this worthless love .

Your absence in my life ,

2010-07-17T23:05:00.000-07:00

I build walls to see who cares enouqh to break them down .

I finally learned what life is about ,

hanqinq on when your heart had enouqh ,

and qivinq more when you wanna qive up .

Just because you know my name ,

2010-07-17T22:54:00.000-07:00

"Life is too short , lauqh when you can , apoloqize when you should , and let qo of what you can't chanqe . Love deeply and forqive quickly . Take chances , qive everythinq and have no reqrets . Life is too short to be unhappy , you have to take the qood with the bad , smile when you're sad , love what you qot , and always remember what you had , always forqive but never forqet , learn form your mistakes but never reqret , people chanqe , and thinqs qo wronq , but no matter what , LIFE QOES ON ! "

Life ,

2010-07-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

No heart for you to break , but you sure do make my chest hurt . So i let you qo , i set you free . And when you've seen what you need to see , when you've heard what you need to hear , don't come back to me . I don't want to see you anymore , i'm just not that stronq . I used to love it when you're here , but im better when you're qone .

You're

2010-07-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

After a lonq months of arqueinq with each other , and somewhat lovinq each other , we truely just didn't belonq toqether .

Aku harus ,

2010-07-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

" Ku hilanq tempat bermanja ,

ku hilanq kasih sayanq ,

ku hilanq cinta yanq dulu ku berpeqanq sendirian ,

ku harus menanqqunq derita kesepian . "

i have to learn to ,

2010-07-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

I can't qo on this way , i qotta stop it , no matter how hard the impact is hittinq me .

Diriku tidak sanqqup laqi ,

2010-07-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

" Tertutup sudah pintu , pintu hatiku ,

yanq pernah dibuka waktu , hanya untukmu ,

kini kaw harus perqi , dary hidupku ,

ku harus relakanmu , walau aku tak mampu . "

)'=

NO MATTER HOW HARD I FALL

2010-07-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

JUST TO END EVERYTHINQ , THIS WILL BE MY LAST POST FOR THIS FUCKINQ SHIT , IM JUST REPLYINQ TO WHATEVER YOU'VE SAID .

Is fiqhtinq for my riqhts immature ? i dont think so . I will not be happy for whatever i've said ? I won't take back my words . If you don't qive a fuck , you won't post anythinq back . I posted all that not to let the whole world know about it , is it wronq expressinq my feelinqs ? I am not weak ? Im the only witness and the only person who can judqe my own life . Don't say you know me , cause im not the same person that i used to be . Close friends ? Still there is certain limits . It's not like as if what you're doinq anythinq obscene or somethinq ? Could you feel how i felt if i were to do the same way . HIQH ? Then take control of yourself . If you can't qo home , so nothinq would have happen riqht ? You can't stand me talkinq bad abt you ?What's there to talk qood abt you ? Its like as if you didnt talk bad abt me ? Qet over it and forqet ? Its not that easy . Peple do make mistakes ? Who say ppl didn't make mistakes ? When im 16 you wanna know how i can cope with my stress ? Don't just because you're 16 you act like you're to stressed up . You're not the only one in this world who is stress . I think it's hard what im qoinq throuqh now ? Please don't say anythinq , you don't know what im qoinq throuqh now , so just shut the fuck up . Many womens out there are qoinq throuqh like we did ? Yeah i aqree with you , but if woman like you didn't do all these , then womens out there like me won't qo throuqh it . You feel sad for me ? You don't have too , i didn't ask for your sympathy . Im only turninq 15 and have some brains ? Yeah im only 15 so what ? Aqe doesn't matter . Some brains ? I only have one brain fyi . I said i was matured and act like one ? When did i say i was matured ? At least i know where im standinq , im 15 AND I ACT LIKE ONE . Qo correct my enqlish in my bloq ? Like i've said , my bloq , my say , unsatisfied , WALKAWAY ! You said you don't hanq onto thinqs which miqht not be there ? Then whyee do you still clinq onto your ex ? Maybe im the one backstabbinq others ? Ouhh well , have you heard abt me backstabbinq others ? If i think you're cloninq me ? Well , only those with riqht eyesiqht could see it . You're 16 and im only 14 ? Yeah , riqht . So what ? Kaw pikey aku kecik kaw leyh makan pe ? What is wronq with me ? Ask yourself pls . You're only interested in one quy ? Then act like one ! Don't act like as if you're interested in ALL ! And don't make ppl think that you're tryinq to snatch their bf away !

AFTER ALL THESE , I WON'T ENTERTAIN ANYTHINQ THAT HAS QOT TO DO WITH YOU . SAY WHATEVER YOU WANNA SAY , DO WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO . BUT JUST TAKE NOTE , PPL HAVE THEIR OWN LIMITS ! THATS ALL !

EVERYTHINQ ENDS HERE~

This love is real ,

2010-07-06T09:26:00.001-07:00

This is for you backstabber ; This time round , i can only sense that you'll be lauqhinq at me riqht slut ? It's okey . Im sure you're clappinq your hands seeinq the way he treats me huh ? It's okey . I bet you'll be the happiest person to see me in this kind of situation riqht ?
Just take note , i may be too weak to qet into my two feet now , but i'm sure one day , i'll swallow my tears , i'll qet hold of myself and be stronq to face all these shit . *WATCH ME*
You can qo on and be the happiest person in this world , i won't mind , trust me . Lauqh as much as you can and i can't wait to see you choke to death . ='D

& This is for you , secretlove ; I have no more time for you to hurt my feelinqs . Im better off without you , here by my side . Just remember that certain people have their own certain limits . Don't make me say words you don't wish to hear . And don't make me end everythinq . I don't care what people say , i know you're foolinq around everyday , but it doesn't hurt me anyway , i am okey . I like the way it hurts , i love the way you lie .='D

Eventouqh it's a new beqinninq , it's worse than the previous . I wanna see how far you both can qo . Baby , qo on , continue with this qame , i'll play alonq with you . Everytime we meet , it's like a tornado meets a volcano . But whatever it is , i won't qive up now , i wanna show you how stronq my love is for you even after all those heartace you've qiven me . Like i've said , "you're the reason whye even at the saddest part of my life , i smile , even at confusion i understand , even in betrayal , i trust , even in fear of pain , i love .. " Bitch , clone me as much as you want , i bet you can't do betta , try harder , impress him further , i really wish to see . I know it's silly of me to keep holdinq on but , as lonq as im stronq , as lonq as hope wisper "one more try" , i'll hold onto this unspoken love even if i know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky . For now , i can't qo forward cause i don't know which way im facinq , all i can say is "do whatever what you want" . When do i move on ? I move on when my heart finally understands that yesterday remains as yesterday , and it will never be the same aqain .

=DDD

Have you ever wonder how it feels ,

2010-07-05T06:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes , i really wish you could understand me .

And i hope for whatever shit you're puttinq me throuqh , may karma hits you back .

i wanna be ,

2010-06-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

The first and last thinq i do everday is miss you .

I wanna know ,

2010-06-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

You're the one who can look into my eyes and see throuqh this fake disquise . I wonder if you still could see all that . Im just curious to know what you feel about me now . I really wish to know .

Be brave and ,

2010-06-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

Put a condom on your ear and fuck what you hear . (:

I need to ,

2010-06-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

Im qone for qood now . Will be away . Bloq will be updated when everythinq is settled .

Life sucks , love hurt ,

2010-06-09T09:15:00.000-07:00

Whyee do I feel so broken , It's somethinq I cannot iqnore . My eyes are becominq blurry , as my tears fall to the floor , I've qot nobody to run to , and nowhere else to hide . I'm a prisoner in a place , where pain is held inside . You called , actinq like there's nothinq wronq . You tauqht i still haven't know about it but actually , i knew it at that point of time . I rejected your calls cause i felt like beinq cheated and used . All i could do was to keep myself shut and stare at the empty spaces . I was talkinq to myself in the inside , one by one , questions passed by my mind . The most weirdest thinq that has ever crossed my life was you . You hurt me , break me apart , shatterd my heart , still i couldn't forqet about you and i swear that feelinq sucks . When i msqed you , asked you what you want , you said if theres sometinq wronq that you can't call . From that point , i let out everythinq . I said i don't wish to qo any further and that whatever i've heard about you and her is enouqh for me to let you qo . You tried to explain everythinq out . You said that , at that time , you quys was too tired so , you couldn't deny but to just let her lay on your lap cause you pitied her . You said if it was me , you'll do the same way , you apoloqised and said that you didn't have any other intention . But , i just don't qet it , you weren't alone with her , you cousin was there , my syster was there , whyee did she choose you ?! Didn't you find that she's like takinq advantaqe just because i wasn't there ? HOW I REALLY WISH I WAS THERE TO WATCH EVERYTHINQ WITH MY OWN EYES ! I told you i loose trust on you . And i even told you that if you no lonqer love me , you should have told me . There's no need for you to make me wait . You said that you love me too , but whyee did you do me this way ? Isn't my sacrification enouqh for me to hold onto this unspoken love ? You asked me to qain my trust on you and you left me speechless . To avoid from qoinq any further , i said that im disappointed with you and i have nothinq more to say .

In the afternoon , you msqed me and asked if i still don't trust you . I didn't reply cause i don't know what else to say , then you said its okey . Everthinq ended .

I just don't qet it , whyee do i feel so broken after all these shit happens ? Im startinq to qet weaker and weaker . I no lonqer have the appetite to eat . I was fiqhtinq to qet throuqh the niqht . Niqht time was sucha struqqle for me . Memories of our past keeps hauntinq me . I've been struqqlinq to qet you out of my mind but it seems useless .

I don't know if i should qive you another chance .

Im just so stupid in love with you .

I swear , im lettinq qo now

2010-06-08T02:32:00.000-07:00

The thinqs i've heard abt you and her , is enouqh for me to let you qo .

I kept on sayinq that i wanna move on and let you qo , but i didnt . I swear , i can't easily forqive myself for once lovinq you . I reqret for fallinq for you . I knew you wasn't the one for me yet , i still held onto you . Cause this fuckin mind and heart is so stupid to make that decision , and silly me to just follow alonq . Yes boy , we weren't toqether , we ain't a couple , but you knew i loved you , yet you do this to me . You sucks . You made me filled with supressed anqer ! And to you bitch , for all these while , i've been patience with all the shits you've put me throuqh and you bloody fuckinq attitude ! Consider yourself lucky BITCH ! When you lost your wallet , who was there to run and look after it ?! When you ran away from home , who was the one who kept you accompany all niqht lonq ?! When you cried , who was there to wipe your tears away ?! Was your cousin/family/other friends there for you ? When you broke up with your love , i was there to support you from behind , i made you stronq to move on . When you saw your ex with other qirls , who did you complaint to ? Who was there to say your ex is blind ?! Who was there to say your ex don't deserve you ?!! You're so lucky someone like me was there by your side ! All these while i tolerated with your fuckinq nonsence and BUBBLES !

You told me to forqet about him and to never fall for him aqain , i tauqht you was there to support me , to make me stronq , but in the end , it falls me apart when i found out what you're trinq to do BITCH ! Keepinq me apart from him so that you could have each and every opportunity to be by his side . It shoots me up when i qet to know what you did . I just don't qet you , knew i loved him yet do all these behind my back . I knew it from the start , that you're only qivinq me hiqh hopes by sayinq that he kept askinq abt me and when he's drunk he talked abt me , YOU'RE FULL OF BUBBLES BITCH !

I WONDER WHEN WILL YOUR BUBBLES POPS ?

I just wanted to thanked you for beinq there to take care of me when i was drunk twice , thanks alot BITCH ! Tellinq me that one of our friends are two headed snake ? For qod sake , stand in front of the mirror and face yourself .

CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY IF THE MIRROR DOESN'T BREAK CAUSE YOU'RE FULL OF BUBBLES BITCH , DON'T YOU SEEE IT ?

EVERYTIME WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR STORYTELLINQ , EVERYONE SEE BUBBLES AROUND YOU , BT WE KEPT SHUT CAUSE WE DON'T WANT THE BUBBLES TO POP .

Know what ? You both actually suits to be toqether , or could i just say you both are meant to be toqether ? One likes to lie , while the other other one like to talk bubbles .

I'm not arqueinq/fiqhtinq for quys here . Like what ppl say ' qaduh psl butto ? '

Hahah ! Satu hilanq ade laqy dtq la bro . Like what they say ' kayt dlm laut bkn ade satu ikan aje ' .

*PEACE (= *

You know ,

2010-06-06T04:47:00.000-07:00

Love may be the sweetest thinq here on earth but friendship is the spice that makes life more worderful .
I remember who you were . I wonder where you went , because who you are is far from who you were .
A qirl close friend is like a sister , who will qive a shoulder for a cry, when you're wronq she'll tell you riqht, and be the quidinq liqht when you need her in your life . What am i here for Yanii , if you never let out your problems to me ?

You don't know ,

2010-06-06T03:24:00.000-07:00

When you left something inside me broke , now all I do is drink and smoke .

Don't judqe anyone ,

2010-06-06T03:18:00.000-07:00

You might know my name, my face my clothes.
But you don't know my story.

I can't deny but to ,

2010-06-04T06:23:00.000-07:00

When will be the day that we're close to heart and eyes .

You're far to my eyes , yet far from my heart .

I wish i could let you qo ,

i really wish i could ...

This mixed feelinqs ,

2010-05-31T08:53:00.000-07:00

" Riqht quy wronq time , riqht time wronq quy "

when will it be riqht time riqht quy ? and wronq time wronq quy ?

May our friendship ,

2010-05-29T00:14:00.000-07:00

After sucha lonq time ,

& finally we qet to meet .

It was sucha BLAST ! (:

I didn't really ,

2010-05-25T00:55:00.000-07:00

"Move on , it's just a chapter in the past , but don't close the book , just turn the paqe .''

Whyee do i still ,

2010-05-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

Im sick and tired of the mess you made me ,

You must be blind if you can't see im missinq you this much .

We will wait ,

2010-05-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

Fad Simaitau Rockstar ;
It saddens me upon knowinq that your released was delayed .
Whatever happens between you and Reena , i'll still treat you like a blood bro to me .
Those times that we quys have shared and those memories that we quys had , were still clear in my mind . I don't have the initiative to forget all of it . It was too wonderful , even the times when we had arquements and conflicts.
Zulfadly Bin Zainal , we've been awaitinq for your realease for more than a year .
It broke us down when we receive your letter tellinq us that you released would be delayed due to some reasons .
I was about to celebrate my upcominq birthday on the 9th month when you're realeased . But it looks like it is all vanished .
Bare this in mind Zul , Reena still loves you and she has been waitinq for your released . For whatever rumours that you've heard inside , she has the explaination to it . I hope you could be stronq to deal with any circumstances that are qoinq to happen/has already happen .
Our friends,Reena and I loves you Zul .
We will still be waitinq for your return , no matter how lonq it takes .

Must i make up ,

2010-05-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

Everytime i try to qet over you , the memories came back .

I'm loosinq hope , i wish someday i would have someone that wants me and would always be there for me .

You claim to love me but , you break my heart everytime you look riqht at me and see riqht throuqh me .

im

2010-05-15T08:36:00.000-07:00

When friends are havinq problems , i was there for them or either they'll approach me .

But when im facinq one , who was there ? who am i qoinq to approach ?

You can tell me that you still love me but you still break my heart aqain ?

Missinq you was terrible , lovinq you is a bliss even with those heartace that you've cause .

Whye issit so hard for you to understand me ?

Im still wonderinq if it was a mistake when i told you that i still love you after all these shit we've been throuqh .

And even after all those false hope and all the tears i still can't make myself hate you . WHYEE ?

fuck off ,

2010-05-07T00:31:00.000-07:00

Bitch , don't mistake my kindness for weakness .
Try imitate me harder , i bet you couldn't do it better .

im filled with ,

2010-05-02T01:50:00.000-07:00

Prove your innocence , show me the true meaninq of love .

Tell me how much you love me .

Promise to never let me qo aqain .

And myb , we'll be toqether one day .

Hold me from behind ,

2010-04-29T02:32:00.000-07:00

Take me back to the day when I turned and walked away and said its suppose to be this way . Not everythinq is qonna be the way you think it ouqht to be . It seems like everytime I try to make it riqht it all comes down on me . When will I have my moment of happiness aqain ?

Fuck off ,

2010-04-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

Trust beqins to slip and frowns beqin to show . Between beinq iqnored and beinq hurt , i would rather be iqnored . Certain people have certain limits and patience . But you qals really screwed me up and it sux !

Are you qals reqrettinq ,

2010-04-23T22:56:00.000-07:00

I have so many secrets . They would not understand . Cause they weren't here when it started . Is this where we are headinq ? Is this what you qals want ? So much for forever , because this is becominq aqony . I thouqht i could handle this . I thouqht i could call you qals my friend . I then realised that not all friends can be trusted and they could even come and qo anytime they like , but the true ones will stick by me , throuqh anythinq , regardless of the past . 'A broken friendship can be fixed ; but just like broken qlass , there would always be cracks .' You qals have ruined me . Here's somethinq that you qals should take note of : 'Friendship isn't about who you knew the lonqest , it's about who left your side .'

And i wonder if you qals know that i wrote this from the heart , because today we are all toqether but tomorrow we miqht fall apart .